“Hurry, hurry, it’s
starting,” yelled a Kaitlyn to her friends in the kitchen who were
making popcorn. The college girls ran into the living room with the bowl of
popcorn, twinkies, and chips. Today was Tuesday and for these girls they were
getting their fix of reality TV, trashy reality TV to be exact. Every Tuesday at
9:00 PM they watched Jerry Springer. All the juicy couples were on Tuesday because
it was paternity test Tuesday. Something about a show that had a designated day
for baby daddy mysteries prompted the girls to watch the show and then they became
obsessed with it. “Finally it’s starting!!!” Kaitlyn said.
Narrator: On tonight’s episode of paternity test
Tuesday, we dive deep into a love triangle between, Sausage, Bird, and
Mouse.
Jerry Springer: Hello everyone! I am Jerry Springer and tonight we are going to find out who the
father is between the Sausage, Bird, and Mouse love triangle. Bird is in a dilemma and does not know who the father of her unborn child is. Will it be Mouse or Sausage? Before we get to
the exciting part, let us hear what exactly happened to get Bird into this
situation. So, Bird, please explain what happened.
Bird: Hello, Jerry, and thank
you for having me on the show. I’ve been such a big fan and cannot believe my
case actually made it to the show. I do not even know where to begin so, I will
start with this. I was dating Sausage for five years and could not be happier.
We lived together, had a dog together, and I could not imagine us apart. Until one
day, Sausage and I had been fighting. We were not doing so well financially and
that caused a lot of stress on our relationship. The tensions were high and
Sausage left. He just left and he did not say anything or goodbye. I thought he was
gone How was I supposed to know if he was coming back or not? Well, during his
absence, I realized how lonely I was and needed a girl’s night out. I never
went out when Sausage was home because I wanted to spend my time with him. My
alcohol tolerance was pretty low since I barely went out for five years. I did
not plan to get drunk but as you can imagine, four shots deep of fireball will
make anyone drunk but for me it made me extremely drunk. I was having a good
time and just hanging with my girlfriends. Out of the corner of my eye, I could
see Mouse glancing over at me. I looked and waved to him and motioned for him
to come over. We started talking which led to dancing. Before I knew it, it
was 2AM and I was in the Uber on my way to Mouse’s house. Once we got to his
house, things did not move slow whatsoever. Mouse turned on Netflix and I’m sure you all can figure out what happened next.
Jerry: Ah, I see. Did
you try and call Sausage when he left? I do not understand how you can be with
someone for five years and after one argument, you cheat on him. It sounds like
you guys have more than just financial problems. You are definitely going to
have more problems after this show, especially if the results say Mouse is the
father. Have you talked to Sausage since you found out you’re pregnant?
Bird: Yes, I tried to
call and he did not answer. For all I knew, he left me. I was sad and drunk that night. Mouse was there when Sausage was not. I wish I could take it all
back but I am pregnant and need to face the consequences. I really need to find
out who the father of this baby is so I can move forward with my life.
I called Sausage after I found out and told him. He was not happy obviously, but he came home and we talked over things.
Jerry: Bird, the time has come. Are you ready to find
out who the father of your child is?
Bird: YES, TELL ME!!!
Jerry: The father of
your child is ….. Mouse.
Narrator: Out of nowhere,
Sausage comes in and punches Mouse in the face. A giant brawl breaks out. Bird
is left crying on the couch.
Jerry: Thank you
everyone for tuning in tonight, and see you next week!
Author’s Note:
I read the story The
Mouse, The Bird and The Sausage from the Italian Unit. The story was about
three friends who worked together to cook dinner. Each character had a
different job. One day the bird decided he was not going to do his job anymore.
That caused everyone’s jobs the shift. Since it was not in the normal routine, it
caused things to change. The bird ended up dying, the sausage also died and
finally the mouse died. I was not really sure what to do with this story. I
decided to keep the main characters but change the story completely. I wanted
to make it modern but yet comical. Jerry Springer is so funny to me and I do
not know why I watch it. I decided to take the characters and put them in a
Jerry Springer episode. My story has nothing to do with or relate to the original
except the characters. I tried to connect to the original in some way by breaking the
routine like the bird did in the original story. Once the bird stopped doing
his job, things started to go south. In my story, I had Sausage breaking the
routine and leaving which in return caused a huge problem.
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